Growing up, you listen to whatever music is in reach. For me it was pop hits that blast on
the radio your elementary teachers played for you as your sneakers squeaked the gym floors, or old spanish rock vinyls that skipped every few minutes that my parents would spin as they unwinded from their unimaginable work days. It’s not until you start growing up that you begin to develop your own opinions on the music you like, and dive deeper into each genre, and place meaning into these songs. Music has been very significant in my life, I tie memories to certain songs and listening to the songs tends to open a window, or even wound to those moments once again. Different songs bring out different emotions within you, some make you want to dance, scream along with the lyrics, or even just cry. Music has comforted me in ways I don’t think anything or anyone else could. Some songs hold enough power to them, strong enough to break through a dam, barricading feelings I couldn’t possibly have reached otherwise. A song in particular, Moon song by Phoebe Bridgers, brings me back to when I was freshly heartbroken, trying to recollect myself after an awful attempt at a first love. Her soft, almost angelic, echoing voice, singing the most heart wrenching lyrics. Yet somehow at 16 you’re relating to every last word that spills from her mouth, somehow this 28 year old woman who knows nothing about you or what you went through somehow seemingly just gets you? Lyrics that may not even have the intention of relating to you, just do. The soft enchanting first strums of her guitar that lead into the first verse immediately sends waves of feeling through me. It truly does bring me back to that time where I felt so hopeless. One may ask why would you want to feel those feelings once again if they were so negative? Why would you want that gateway? And I could sit here and concoct some elaborate excuse on how feeling those feelings helped me grow and heal from the past, which wouldn’t entirely be false, but it’s not the full truth. The truth is I felt as if that sadness I felt while listening to that song was my last connection to the person I longed for who I no longer could allow myself to have access to. It’s really funny how that works. This song was my gateway to him. Now enough time has passed where I no longer feel the need to cry at the sound of Moon song, I shuffle my playlist and by chance, it lands on it, it starts to play, and I sit and listen. Sometimes I sit and reflect, sometimes I hum along, and sometimes I still am brought back to that time in my life.
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