Inside Her Psyche
By Yeni Baez She starts of her day with the arousal of gentle sunlight beaming through her dark soul like curtains. Her skin, smooth like marbles yet her being, dangerous as broken glass. She feels the cold floor against her small baby feet so she opens her round eyes, and so she carries a sense of sorrow. The sorrow of which makes her question her being. The sorrow of which makes her ask herself “Why?” more than the amount of words printed across paper thin dictionaries. The sorrow of which is tied around her ankles like shackles. She carries it with her, like a dark cloud above her head, following her as she shows the public her permanent fake smile stitched across her face. She's stuck in a dark place with the sorrow that fills her veins and the pain that drills her brains. Sorrow created by the disgusting society she lives in and the house she's held in. There's no escape. She walks towards her mirror viewing her reflection. Her emotions, like blank sheets of paper she doodles on to get her through the day. She's black and white, camouflaging with the striped shirt she throws over her head. She carries a simple ruby necklace. Her necklace, bright red, and luminous, the only thing that stands out on her. What's so special about it, they wonder. It makes her glow. It's a simple gift she treasures and refuses to remove. Given by her lover, carried along with the deep sensational adoration she has for him. She carries the necklace along with the only non-depressing feelings she ever felt, love. Is that what they call it nowadays? It's that love she carries that glows on the necklace that dangles on the neck. It's gentle like the tight hugs he gives her that makes her feel safe, taking her away from the sorrow living in her. The love that he gives her makes the depression she carries feel like a smaller amount than what it actually is. He numbs down the pain she feels while diminishing the depression she carries. If it weren't for the love he gives her the depression crawling up her spine would eat her alive. His affection made all the problems she had disintegrate into ashes. Depression and darkness build upon the vivid memories given by her parents arguing over stupid nonsense. She replays the same sceneries nonstop in her mind when she sits in class zoning out. She stares blankly towards the front of the class while her fingertips run along the cold desk. And before she is reminded of the love her partner gives her she thinks about the love that hasn't existed in the roof that lies above her head. Her eyes become crystal clear and watery, full of tears that trickle down her rose petal cheeks. Soon tears transform into salty ocean like waves, racing down her face splashing on towards the smooth surface of the desk where her hands quiver. Before anyone could notice the soulless body sitting in the back she quickly wipes off the pain on the army green jacket she carries, given by her lover. The depression dragged across her face in tears seeps into the thick cotton sleeves. She watches the tear stain disappear wishing she could too. When she’s done wiping away the pain she sinks into her chair, pulling the jacket over her head. She closes her eyes and ties to forget all the horrible things that she plays over and over in her mind. Trying to relax, she takes deep breaths and inhales the smooth scent of him that infused the jacket she was wearing without washing before he gave it to her. Before she could concentrate on the sweet scent left on the jacket that usually put her to sleep she felt a sudden vibration on her lap. When she looked down at her phone she saw her uneasy reflection, noticing her dried lips she quickly applied her favorite chapstick, a squirtable tube of strawberry carmex, that always polished her lips. She never left the house without carrying her carmex, as if it were the equivalent of the ruby necklace he clipped around her neck; giving her a motive of comfort along with peace and relaxation. The taste reminded her of the summer nights she had spent with him, making her forget how hurt she was in the inside. Before she could take another glimpse as her phone the annoying bell that shook her eardrums, nearly making them rupture rang. Staring up against the wall the neon lights showed 2:28, “Time to go back to hell already?” she quietly asked herself. Whether at home or at school it was all the same kind of hell to her. As she slowly made her way towards the classroom she looked down towards her phone and read the message her king sent her saying “ I need you to know that I am here to stay, make you smile, laugh, feel loved, and forget about everything that causes you pain.” Yeni is an eleventh grader. She is a regular high school student focusing on aspiring a military career who secretly uses writing and art to escape from reality.
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About Epiphany
Epiphany Literary Magazine is a safe space for students at Franklin High School to share their creativity. Archives '16-'20
June 2020
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